8 Confessions of a Blogging, Homeschooling Mom - A Look Behind the Curtain

It's confession time. Time to peel back the curtain and show the not-so-picture perfect side of the life of this blogging/homeschooling mama. Because for some reason there are a lot of women out there who are convinced that women who blog automatically somehow have it more together than they do. This is simply not true. And here's proof.

Confession #1: I am a terrible housekeeper.  I am pretty good at doing the dishes every day, and I vacuum regularly. And I try to clean the main bathroom on a regular basis. My kids keep their stuff picked up thanks to these cleaning charts. But my house is still a mess most of the time. Why? One word. Clutter. A lot of it. I have piles (and boxes) of "stuff" everywhere. When people come over, I "clean" up clutter by throwing it all into a box, lost forever. The irony? Most of my cabinets and closets are organized to the letter. When it comes to cleaning, I am all or none. And when it comes to all these piles, sometimes I don't even know where to start. I hope that someday I am able to conquer my clutter problem because, frankly, sometimes it's embarrassing. And I really would like to know where certain things are that currently can't be found. And it is a lot easier to relax in a clean room. And maybe I could invite people over more often. So I hope that someday I can say I finally have a clean house. That day, however, is not today, and, as of right now, clutter is still a major problem for me.

(So thankful for my patient and understanding husband, who very rarely complains about this problem of mine!)

Confession #2: I sleep in later than I should.  I am very blessed in that my kids are very self-sufficient in the mornings. They can get their own cereal and/or yogurt and entertain themselves until I get up. I am very lucky, I know. The flip side of this? Getting up early is difficult. Because it's just a little too easy to turn off the alarm, roll over, and sleep for just a little bit longer. Or a lot longer. But I don't get nearly as much done and am not nearly as effective when I choose to stay in bed instead of get up on time.

Confession #3: I stay up later than I should.  When I don't go to bed at a decent time, I sabotage myself to repeat #2. Or if I do get up early the next morning, I am cranky because I am sleep-deprived. My crankiness does not set a good example for my children. Or make for a joyful, productive homeschooling day. (I was tempted to schedule this post to automatically publish in the morning sometime so you wouldn't know how late I am staying up tonight. While it doesn't look like I will be finishing this post tonight after all, for the sake of transparency I will tell you it is currently almost 2 am. Case in point...)

Confession #4: I spend too much time online. This includes e-mail and social media such as facebook and pinterest. Again, I am all or none, so periodically I can go through periods where I rarely check social media at all. But, when I get the "itch" again, I spend way more time online than I should. There is definitely an addictive component to the internet in general and especially social media that can be hard to resist. And sometimes I don't do a very good job of resisting.

Confession #5: I am a chronic procrastinator. It is December 12, and we still haven't put up our tree. This is partly related to Confession #1. The area where the Christmas stuff is is cluttered, and getting to the tree and the ornaments/decorations will require some work. Really, if I'm being truthful, procrastination is probably the cause of my clutter problem! I was once told by a friend in high school: "Most people wait until the last minute. You wait until the last second!" Not good. And it does not produce good or satisfying results. 

Notice the partially painted wall in the photo below (aside from all the "stuff" covering the kitchen table)? It has been like that for a good 2 years. 

Confession #6: I don't spend enough time in the Word. I have been following a one-year Bible plan for over three and a half years now. And I am not even halfway done. At best, I spend time in the Word occasionally. I am better at reading my Jesus Calling devotional. Which is great. But it's not the Word of God. I need God's Word to renew my mind and feed my spirit. And, yet, so many times, I just don't read it like I should. Because I don't feel like it. Because I just don't make it a priority. This one hurts worse than the others. But there it is. The truth. 

Confession #7: A lot of times, I don't spend enough time in prayer. Just like #6, I don't consistently and intentionally spend time in prayer on a regular basis. Sometimes I do, but I am more consistent in allowing my love and my fire to grow cold than I am at soaking Him in. And sometimes, when I tell someone I will pray for them, I don't. Not on purpose. I just somehow forget to. Or I just say a quick prayer and then move on to the next thing on my agenda... or the next status on facebook. This is not how spiritual battles are won. I know this. And yet, so many times, I just don't do it. I understand Paul when he said, "For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing" (Romans 7: 19 - NIV). I understand what he is saying in this verse, because he's describing me. 

So there you have it. 8 confessions of a real-life, blogging, homeschooling, pile-making, sleeping-in mama. Now the truth is out: this blogger ain't perfect. There was a part of me that really wanted to clean up those areas of my house just a little before taking those photos. Make it look a little neater. A little more put together. But I didn't. This is it, in the raw. There's no going back after this, and I wouldn't want to. I'd rather be real than perfect. Because only He can make us perfect. On my own, I am anything but. 

And you know what? It's ok. Because His mercies are new every morning. Will I ever paint my kitchen wall? Maybe. Will I ever get my clutter under control? Perhaps. But perhaps not. If nothing else about my confession list changes, I pray for consistency in my walk with Him. Because I can't live this life without Him. Because I can't lead my children to Him if I'm not being led myself. Because I can't do ministry with a painted wall. Am I going to work on my weaknesses? Of course. But in His strength. Because anything else is doomed to fail. Any goals I set for myself apart from Him, will carry a weight that will eventually crush me. Am I perfect? Not even close. And, yet, He loves me. He is for me. He died for me. In all my imperfections. In all my weaknesses. And having a love like that is worth giving Him all. Because He gave all for me. 

So if you find yourself thinking that other moms have it more together than you, don't. Remember that you have something that those other moms might not have: hope. While you are looking at them wondering what they have that you don't, they are looking at you wondering the same thing. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

--2 Corinthians 12:10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

--2 Corinthians 12:9a

Do you have any confessions you'd like to share? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below. Remember, you are not alone in your weaknesses and struggles.

As a follow-up, I will be posting soon about "Living in the Measure of Your Own Grace." I pray that it blesses you.

Can You Help Us Reach 1,000 Children Before Rebels and Child Traffickers Do?

I am writing this post on behalf of Fullness In Christ Ministries. This is not a paid post, and, in fact, they do not even know that I'm writing it. 

God has given the leaders of this ministry (Ras and Bev Robinson, along with Kathy Bohlin), a vision to reach 1,000 of the children living in the garbage dumps of the Philippines. 

For $30 a month, you can help them get closer to their goal by sponsoring a child. Sponsoring a child allows him or her to go to school and learn valuable skills, as well as learning about the love of God. It will also give them food for their hungry bellies.

The following is an e-mail sent out by Fullness In Christ Ministries regarding the vision God has given them for these children. Please prayerfully consider being a partner in this ministry by sponsoring a child.

What does God want to do for the children He has given us? What is his promise concerning these little ones? 

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap (the garbage dump), to make them sit with the princes, with the princes of His people."  (Psalm 113:7-8)

Read more below

Raising Children From the Dust to the Palace With some help now, the future could be very bright for this child. The Lord said, "I want you to care for 1000 very poor children that I am giving you. I have things I want them to do and they need to be prepared for those things."  Our response - "Yes Lord. We are willing and excited about that assignment." Our next thought was, "Where will we get the estimated $360,000 a year - $30 per month per child?" That is a lot of money" The past year has been a good one, but still that is a lot more money than we have, even if we put everything we have in it.    We have heard God say we can believe Him to provide for those 1000 extremely poor children and youth. Otherwise, why would He ask us to do it? Can you believe it with us? Last Sunday a lady who was sponsoring 4 children added 4 more for a total of 8. A man who sponsored 15 lost his job and had to quit for a couple of months, but he soon found another job and came back for his 15 and raised his monthly amount.  Would you be willing to join these and others and take on some of the children and teens God wants to give us and who desperately need us. Together, with each one taking some of them, and with God's help, we can change their lives for eternity. Further, we believe God will use these young people as He raises up a new generation that will be used by Him to transform the nation and affect many throughout the world. In one city, our high school students have been trained as crisis counselors for young children. How exciting to think of how God will use them in the future as well as now. We now have two high school valedictorians in college preparing to impact the world. Imagine this photo with 1000 children from the garbage dump. That is our assignment. You can believe that terrorists and rebels seek these young people and recruit them for their violent purposes. That is not God's plan for them. We can reach them first and teach them of God's love. We work now in 22 locations where pastors are reaching children before terrorist and child traffickers and others with evil purposes reach them. What is God's plan for these young people?  "He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap (the garbage dump), to make them sit with the princes, with the princes of His people."  (Ps 113:7-8) You can be part of God's plan for one or more of these children or teens. You can be part of God's plan for changing lives and ultimately a nation. Will you join us as we step out in faith to believe God for the funds required to help these kids?  Will you be part of that provision?  We need child sponsors - lots of them. We need those who give to help feed hungry children. We look forward to hearing from you soon. To make your donation to help the children rise from the dust of poverty and become part of God's Kingdom, go to: Sponsor A Child Food for Learning Gift Ministry to Children - Wherever most needed Thank you to all of you who currently sponsor children and who help us feed them, along with many other hungry children. We are so thankful for you!  Ras and Bev Robinson and Kathy Bohlin

Permissions and Copyrights

"What The Lord Is Saying Today," © Fullness In Christ Ministries, Inc., Permission is granted (and you are also encouraged) to reprint these articles in hard copy form, as well as sending them to your own email lists and posting them on your own websites. We ask only that you include the author's name, Fullness in Christ Ministries website and email contact info. For any other use, please contact us at: info@fullnessnetwork.net. Fullness in Christ Ministries / PO Box 136117 / Fort Worth, TX 76136  Website: http://fullnessonline.org

- Ras Robinson, President - Bev Robinson, Vice President  - Kathryn Bohlin, Executive Vice President & Director, Philippine Missions

He Is Jealous for Me

My husband and I have been married for eleven years. One part of my husband's personality that I absolutely love is that he highly values alone time with me. I love it that we spend so much quality time together.

Because he highly values this time, he can also be very jealous of my time. He has a really hard time sharing me with other people or other things. If I choose to spend my time doing other things, especially if we haven't had much time together, I can almost feel him longing to have time with me, time when he doesn't have to share me with anyone or anything else. 

The other night, God indicated my husband's jealousy to me. It was like when one of the kids is doing something cute and I indicate them to my husband with a little nod of the head in their direction. My husband wasn't even in the room, but I still felt the Holy Spirit indicate him as though he was. I could feel and almost even see His Spirit indicate it. 

He showed me that this part of my husband's personality, his jealous longing, is a picture of how God jealously longs for us.

He longs for us. Amazing! 

While we are busy checking off our to-do lists and spending hours on social media (my personal weakness), he is longing for us to spend time with Him. To put down all of our tasks and things we fill our day with and choose Him. He longs for a deeper and closer relationship with us. He wants us to make ourselves known to Him, and He desires to reveal Himself to us. This is not something for us to feel guilty of for not doing. Sometimes when I haven't spent time with Him I almost avoid Him because I feel guilty for not taking the time I should have. This is not an accurate picture of who God is. If I have not spent time with my husband, will I avoid him out of guilt? Of course not. I will go to him, because the truth is, if I haven't spent time with my husband, I long for him, too. Have you been neglecting time with God? He is not waiting to condemn you; He is longing for you. 

He says: "Come away with Me! I know you have things you must do. I know that you have responsibilities in your life. I give you time to do those things. Come. Away. Give Me time, and I will help you with your daily tasks. Choose ME! Choose to be filled with Me and My Spirit, and I will release in you a strength and a power to accomplish My will, a strength and power that you have not known. You can do all things through Christ. Through Me. Let Me be the wind in your sails. Allow Me to move in your life, more so than you have allowed up to this point. Give me access to the deepest parts of you. Have I ever shown Myself unfaithful? Have I ever spoken and failed to fulfill? I am Yahweh. I created the heavens and the earth, and all that is within it. I am not a man that I should lie. I am for you, and I desire to move within you and upon your life this day, if you will but carve out this time to be filled by My Spirit and Presence. I jealously long to fill up your empty places. Come away with me, beloved! Choose Me. Deep down, you desire My Presence and filling. In the same way, I long to be in your presence. I have loved you with an everlasting love, and I long to draw you to Myself." 

God, forgive us of our busyness! Of our insatiable desire for more. More things. More money. More time. More (or better) relationships. May the only true cry of our hearts be for more of You! Forgive us for attempting to fill our cups with things that do not satisfy. For neglecting to come to You. For leaning on our understanding. For trusting in our strength. Strength that was always meant to come from You. May we never cease to come to You with our emptiness. Fill us up, Lord, as only You can!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have loved you with an everlasting love;

Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.

--Jeremiah 31:3b

This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her."

--Zechariah 8:2

"They have made Me jealous with what is not God."

--Deuteronomy 32:21a

"Cease striving and know that I am God."

--Psalm 46:10a

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

--Philippians 4:13 (emphasis added)

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.

--1 Corinthians 2:12-13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

jealous. 

adjective. 

5.  solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: God is jealous for our affections.

long. 

verb.

to have an earnest or strong desire or craving; yearn: God longs to know us and make Himself known.

cease.

verb.

1. to stop; discontinue: Cease striving and know that I am God.

striving.

verb.

1. to exert oneself vigorously; try hard: She strove to make herself worthy, beautiful, and desirable.

2. to make strenuous efforts toward any goal: to strive for success

{Definitions found at dictionary.com, though I obviously changed several of the example sentences}

This post has been linked up with these great linky parties:

Happy and Blessed Home

Missional Women Faith-Filled Friday

Holy-Spirit Led Homeschooling

The Better Mom

The Time-Warp Wife

New Nostalgia

Raising Arrows

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           Real Worship

A Prayer for Revival

A Prayer for Revival

God, You are good and all Your promises are true! I will praise You all of my days. You wrap me with Your goodness and Your grace. Your faithfulness overwhelms me! Your Presence is better than life. Yes, better than riches and gold is Your Spirit to me! In Your Presence is freedom and love. You fill my life with peace and joy. You are mighty to save, and nothing is too difficult for You! Power and strength go before You. You hold the universe in the palm of one hand, and walk hand-in-hand with me with the other. You order my days. You call me Yours. You have good plans for me. You are for me. You delight in me. You rejoice over me with singing. You appoint leaders and officials; You cause nations to rise and fall. You placed the sun and moon in the sky to give us light. You breathed the stars into their perfect places. Who is God but You? You create and You destroy, both give life and cause it to cease. I will trust in Your goodness, and in the strength of Your arm will I place my confidence. Your faithfulness follows me all of my days. You will never fail me or forsake me. You uphold me with the right hand of Your righteousness. Your words to me are life! Your Spirit uplifts me. Consume me, God! Consume me with Your consuming fire. Fill me up so that there is more of You, and less of me. May my heart beat as one with Yours! Give me a heart to see, that I may see with Your eyes and with Your heart. I pray that I may have a heart for Your people as You do. I pray for revival, God! Send Your Shekinah Glory! Take up residence within us as a people. We long to feel Your Presence continually. We long to see Your miracles again. We long for people who have never experienced You to suddenly feel Your Presence in a real, tangible way. For You to knock their socks off! That we would all fall on our faces before You, hungry for a fresh outpouring of Your Spirit. In the streets, in our homes, in the schools. In Your Spirit is power! We long to see Your power again, God. Come transform us, God. Transform our hearts before You. Heal us, save us, sanctify us, redeem us, fill us, consume us. We need You, God! We fall on our faces in admission of our absolute need of You. Without You we are as nothing! What else can satisfy? Who else can fill our emptiness? Only You. Who else can heal every part of us? Who else can give hope when it seems there is none? Who else can give peace and joy when circumstances should warrant otherwise? You and You alone can do all these things. We wait for Your touch, God, and we ask You to come! Come in our churches, our families, our cities, our state, our nation. Pour out Your Shekinah Presence upon us! We long to be filled, for our families, churches, cities, nations to be transformed in You. YOU are God of this city, church, family, nation, and we want what YOU have for us. There is more to this life than what so many have been living. You have MORE for us than what is happening around us today. Come transform us, God. We ask You to come and work among us. We want more, God! More of You in our lives. We can't get enough of Your Presence, Your Power, Your Glory. We ask for more, God!

This post is linked with these great linky parties:

  Faith Filled Friday

  Titus 2sdays Link-Up Party

Fear Versus Faith: How Will You Choose to React to the Outcome of This Year's Election?

In the days following President Obama's re-election (and over the next 4 years), we as Christians have a choice to make in our attitudes and how we respond. Will we respond in anger? In despair? Do we allow ourselves to be overcome with worry? Do we give up?


Although there are many emotions we could choose to (re)act with, when it comes down to it, there are really only two: fear or faith. Which one will you choose?

There are two things I would like to share with you. The first is a "31 Day Prayer Challenge" (although a more appropriate title might be a "4 Year Prayer Challenge", or even an "Every Day, Every Year Prayer Challenge", because the biblical truths behind it will be truths for President Obama's entire re-election term and for any President elected after him). This challenge came to me via the facebook update of a friend of mine, Mindy Gleghorn (who also happens to be a fellow homeschooling mom). The following was her status update:

Okay, here is what has come to me in my uninterrupted morning shower, (those are rare and appreciated around here:)....this goes out to everyone who's president is still Obama....like it or not! First, take any negative emotions your have about it all, and give it to God; be done with it. Clear your heart and mind of resentment, disappointment, etc... Ask God to remind you of how He loves the worst of the worst (I'm not saying Obama is the worst guy either!) as much as the next guy, and that He commands you to do the same!  

Second, begin praying for our President, and all leaders in our government. Pray sincerely, (like you would if you liked them:)...we as Christians are commanded to love, and in order to love someone, we must pray for them! We are told to pray for our leaders, and I believe that the only way we are going to get the President that this country needs/deserves, is to pray for the one in office...not vote one in!! Friends, we have a man in office, and he is not an evil man, he is just a man and he needs our prayers! He needs all the help he can get!! 

The Bible says "where 2 or 3 agree....it shall be" (more or less).... Well I don't have an official count but there are a lot more than 2-3 of us!! What we see with Obama, or any candidate for that matter, is NOT what God sees. God can change anything/anyone, but if we are spending all of our time being bitter, mad, angry, and putting him down then how is that going to help? If you truly believe in the power of prayer then you won't question that this will work. 

I am going to use my "31 days of Praying for your husband" challenge as a template (which by the way is proven effective, with personal experience:), and I am going to pray for Obama, and other leaders. I'm going to pray for his heart, and that he begins to feel this crazy hunger for the Word, and for The Lord! I am going to pray that he begins to seek after Godly wisdom with gazelle intensity...so much that he does not even understand what is happening! I am going to pray that he will truly seek after God's Word, wisdom, and guidance on all matters of his own life and the lives of the people in this country! Friends, God did not say pray for someone until we are tired of it, but to pray until IT IS DONE! Put aside all the negative, and pray for this man!I recently read, "It is easy to act like a Christian, but not to RE-ACT LIKE ONE!" How will you react to this election? I choose love, which is what I believe God commands of me. So here goes.... 

DAY 1: Father, I pray that Barack Obama and all the men/women in government will grow spiritually and consider their accountability before YOU! I pray that they will guard their heart by developing spiritual discipline, by reading Your Word, praying, and meditating. I pray their hearts will be filled with a crazy fire to seek Your Truth and make decisions, based on what You command! Thank you, Father!.....so, to all of you Americans (Christians and those of you who don't believe in prayer or God, ect...) anyone who want great things for yourselves, your families, and your country....DARE YA TO PRAY!

A friend of Mindy's made this comment to Mindy's status: 

So glad you brought this to mind. As I begin to learn the Word, the one that comes to mind is Paul...he is my fav so far since there aren't too many yet to compare to...Paul had such faith. But he sure didn't have it in the beginning! There is HOPE!

 Mindy also said the following in response to friends' comments:

And [God] does change people!  We are ALL proof of that! If we think that praying truly and sincerely for Obama or anyone is a waste of time, then we don't have the faith we claim to have! God's power does not stop at a point of being too difficult!

Regarding why she wrote the status update:

I was up early as usual with it all on my mind, and I was praying for what HE really wanted us to do with it all. When HE gave me this, it also came with instructions to share [it with other people]...I knew from experience to just do what HE was telling me because I knew if I thought about it too much I would talk myself out of it, so I grabbed my IPad, sat at my table, towel still on my head, and began typing. HE knew what He was doing; I'm just really grateful that HE used me to share it.

When asked to explain more about the "31 Day Prayer Challenge:"

[The 31 Day Prayer Challenge] is a prayer challenge that I did with my husband...after completing month one, and then starting a second one with different prayers and scriptures he began (after 10+ years) attending church with us and seeking after God's heart! God is moving in his life and doing amazing things! That's how I know it works! There were so many days that praying was the last thing I wanted to do or thought I could do for him. That's how I felt about [President] Obama this morning:) They can google "31 days of praying for your husband" and a number of ones will show up. There is a good one on iMom also. Ya know, the first one I did was the best ever, and I can't find it! Crazy thing is, I found it folded up in a homeschool curriculum book that I bought used online...I had that book in a box for 2+ years, and one day about 6 months ago I found it while flipping through the book...It changed my heart towards my husband, and helped change my husband's heart towards the Lord. What I am going to do, is take the challenge I have right now...and I am going to write up "presidential/government leader" version for each day...some will work, some won't. But there are even tons of prayer challenges already out there for leaders...I am going to really listen to God each morning as to what I need to pray for them about, and combine that with the challenge Scripture I am on.

I will be writing another blog post soon with more information about the Presidential "31 Day Prayer Challenge," but in the meantime, I encourage you to pray for our re-elected President in your own way! You can also do an internet search as Mindy suggests to get some ideas for now. 


The other thing that I would like to share with you is an article by Russell D. Moore from Christian Post entitled How Should Christians Respond to Obama's Re-Election? It is excellent. 

As I said earlier, I will be posting more on the 31 Day Challenge, but in the meantime if you feel God is calling you to join Mindy and me in praying for  our President and other elected officials, please leave me a comment and let us know. There is power and encouragement in knowing that others stand with you, especially when they are standing in prayer!

James 5:16 b --The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

1 Peter 3:12a --For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer...

John 14:14 -- If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.

Real Worship

I recently read a story by Robert Brunell called "The Journey" posted by The Redeemed Gardener. It is quite long, for a blog post, but I knew that I was supposed to read it, so I did. (Although I still haven't made it through the whole thing yet--I plan to finish it over the next couple of days). One quote has stuck with me since reading it yesterday: [I]t is possible to go through all the surface motions of faith in God while one's real worship, the thing which obsesses the mind day and night, is idolatry." Powerful statement. Because I know it's true.

Have I been worshiping God with real worship?? Is He the main object of my affections?? Because so often, especially lately, the answer is no.

Why do you spend your money on that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.
--Isaiah 55:2

I have known real worship. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. I have spent time in His Presence. He has filled my cup many times. And yet still, lately I have chosen to seek that which is not bread, and to spend my time on things that do not satisfy. I have not carved out that special time to be with Jesus, My Savior, My Redeemer, My Friend. I have neglected to stay connected to the vine.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." --John 15:5 (emphasis added)

Apart. From. Him. I. Can. Do. Nothing. Nothing! No wonder my life falls apart when I don't stay connected. When I don't come to Christ on a regular basis, falling on my knees in surrender before Him, there are a few things that generally happen. First, I start to think I'm somebody. Pride starts creeping in, and I think I just may have a handle on things. 

If I continue to stay disconnected, after a time I look around and realize that my cup is empty. My "handle" I think I have on life starts to unravel, and pride swiftly abandons me only to be followed by some serious insecurity and doubt. The Enemy sees an opening and begins to whisper in my ear:

"Is God sure you're the best person to be in charge of children's ministries?? Surely so and so could do a much better job..." 

"Can you really handle this whole blog thing? Look at Kat from Inspired to Action or Ruth from The Better Mom. Don't you think that they are much better at giving God the glory and much better equipped to help others than you are?"

"Do you really think that you can minister to people, that they need you to? Your friends, neighbors, and church family? They are doing fine. Look at you. You can't handle anything right now, let alone other people's problems."

After the insecurities, comes the feeling of emptiness and the beginnings of mild depression. Because I know that when my cup is empty, those statements of insecurity are partly true. Because when I am empty, I have nothing to give, and if I'm not abiding in Christ, I really can't do those things. Because I was never meant to give out of an empty cup. I was meant to give out of the overflow. (At times when I have let myself get empty enough that I start to show signs of depression, I usually ask my husband to help pray me out of it, which really helps me get back on track, after which I immediately spend time in the Presence of God. If you are experiencing some of what I'm describing, ask someone close to you to pray for you. You can also leave me a comment or send me a private message -- via the "Contact Me" button on the top right hand side of this blog -- and I would love to pray for you myself. In addition to having someone pray for you, spend time on your knees. ASK Him to fill you! He is the only thing that satisfies, and He will not leave you empty if you ASK for a full, overflowing cup.)

Another quote from the story that has impacted me: "[I]n the Wilderness of Prayer," (part of the man's journey), "prayer becomes one's way of life--the source of one's whole existence. The time has come for YOU to be lost in a life of prayer." Again, powerful. 

1 Thessalonians says to "pray without ceasing." Do I pray without ceasing? No. Not lately. How does one even do that? How do we stay connected to the vine? By abiding in Him. 

God doesn't want just part of us. He wants all of us. He wants us to live our lives through Him, and vice versa. 

I remember one time when God was trying to teach me something, and I got frustrated. I don't remember what it was that He was trying to teach me, or what I was going through exactly at the time, but I just remember that whatever it was, I was really struggling with it. In a moment of exasperation, I threw up my hands and cried, "What do You want from me??" The question, on my part, wasn't meant to be answered, really. Surely He could see, through my "question," that whatever it was He was requiring, it was too much! Right?

But He did reply. Softly, but powerfully: "Everything."

He isn't looking for my mornings, or my evenings, or a general sense or declaration of belief in Him. He wants ME. He wants me to ABIDE in Him. Every day, every night. All day, all night. That is so easy to forget in this culture! TV, internet, facebook, pinterest, ipods, cell phones. Clean water. Food in abundance. Not just food in abundance, but fast food. Electricity, vehicles, microwaves, refrigerators, the list goes on and on. We have it all. And yet, without Christ, we have nothing.

Father, forgive us for our complacency! For seeking that which does not satisfy, for searching for water that won't fill us! God, only YOU satisfy! Everything else in life will abandon us and leave us empty and dry. Fill us up, LORD! Fill us up, like only You can. Forgive us for allowing ourselves to be disconnected from you and for not intentionally seeking Your face every day. Break us down, God! Remove from us all of our "surface motions" of worship, and replace them with true worship! Forgive us for our mindless obsessions! We thank You, God, for your faithfulness. That even when we are not faithful, YOU are faithful. Forgive us for forsaking You, and lead us back to Your arms. We give You Your rightful place in our lives: the center, the top, the bottom, the right side, the left, and everywhere in between. May we live, move, and have our being in You! 

I pray for everyone reading this right now, that they would experience Your Presence in a real way, maybe in a way that they have never experienced before. I ask that You fill them up, LORD! I ask that they would know You for who You are, and not just who they've imagined or believe You to be. I ask that they would know who they are, as You've made them, and not as the world sees them or the Enemy has led them to believe. Touch them, God, that they might know Your heart, and that theirs might beat as one with Yours. Thank You, God!

I hope that this post has blessed you today. The last thing I will leave you with is a quote from a Lifehouse worship song, "Everything:"

(you can hear the full song on youtube here)

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